Gollum on Red Bull
by AthenaPersephone14
Summary: Dr. Robert Hayes invents a machine that can transport anything to anywhere, even into books and movies. But when he transports a six-pack of Red Bull into his Lord of the Rings book, things become a little dicey for Frodo and Sam.
1. Prologue

It was a normal spring day at Washington's Fair Child Air Force Base. Well normal for most people, but not for Dr. Robert Hayes. He was on the brink of developing a way to transport objects across space and time. At least that's what he _thought._

Unbeknownst to him, his machine could send things _anywhere._ Even into books and movies. It was then that the world-renowned scientist decided to test his invention. So, Robert picked up an ordinary six-pack of Red Bull and put it in a special hole in his contraption. As soon as he pushed the On Button, in the town that was running on electricity shut down.

Staring curiously around his darkened workshop, the young scientist began to hear a whirring sound that was rapidly increasing in volume. Before long, the whirring noise was all that Robert _could _hear. Suddenly there was a bang and a scream that sounded like "MY PRECIOUS!!!" And then the lights came back on.

Robert's machine was smoking and looked as if someone had dropped a bomb on it. Charred pieces of it were everywhere; the scientist would be finding them in random places in his house for weeks. He unsteadily got to his feet and staggered over to his ruined experiment to get a closer look at the damage. What he saw made him gasp with surprise and fear.

Robert hurriedly searched his house and when he failed to find what he was looking for he frantically scoured his neighborhood and the town. But there could be denying the truth: the six-pack of Red Bull was gone.


	2. Gollum gets his Wings

Frodo woke up because of three things- Sam snoring, his dream, (A llama had been licking his neck) and the disgusting sound of someone slurping. He looked up to see Gollum furiously drinking some type of unfamiliar liquid. It was housed in a can with a picture of a bull on it. The words on the can identified it as Red Bull.

"Gollum what is that stuff?"

"It's Red Bull! Gives you wings! Wings!" Gollum looked at Frodo with wide, crazy eyes and the creepy smile of a madman. "What's going on?" this time it was Sam who posed the question. "It's Gollum. He err-" Frodo never had the chance to finish his sentence.

"It fell from the sky! The sky! So I drank it and it gave me WINGS!" With that said Gollum jumped in the air and attempted to do flip. It didn't work so well.

Frodo looked at Sam and Sam looked at Frodo and their glance seemed to share a thousand words. _What are we going to do?_

Gollum bounded up the craggy mountain path with his two companions struggling to follow in his wake. With every step rocks spewed down the mountainside. "Gollum, where are you leading us?" Frodo asked with exasperation creeping into his voice. "Yeah, where?" Sam echoed his friend.

"I know a special place! A fun place! A place where we can have fun!" Gollum was actually frothing at the mouth! "Yeah, but where and what is it?!" both hobbits asked at the same time.

"It's at the top of this mountain, silly!" Gollum told them as opened up his fourth can of Red Bull.

Thirty minutes later.

"We're here!" Sam and Frodo looked around at the big arena-like area they were in. It had huge holes all over all the walls. Holes big enough for a giant spider to fit through…

"Sheelob! I'm here! I'm here to tell you that I have wings and can kick you're scrawny backside!" Frodo and Sam's companion's voice rang out like a bell. When nothing happened he repeated his message four more times. After the fourth time, they heard a scuttling sound coming from one of the many holes.

"You dare to challenge me, Sheelob daughter of the Great and Fierce Ungulot?!" **(Is that how you spell their names?)**

"Yeah, I do. 'Cause I've got Red Bull and Red Bull gives you wings!"

"Well I accept your foolish challenge."

"Good. Where and when?"

"Here. Tomorrow at noon."

"I look forward to it." And with that said, Gollum, Sam, and Frodo turned around and headed back to camp to prepare for Gollum's duel against the mighty spider Sheelob.


	3. Robert's New Invention

It was almost time. Almost time for Gollum to face off against Sheelob, the mighty spider. It was big news. Word had spread quickly that a therapy-needing weakling had drunk juice that fell from the sky and gave him wings was going to fight the giant spider. Around fifty thousand orcs, eight hobbits, fifty-eight men, two women, two hundred elves, and a couple of Black Riders and their Nosguls had showed up to see the dual. **(Is that how you spell Nosgul?) **

The noise of fifty thousand two hundred and seventy beings filled the air. But just then the self-appointed announcer, an elf named I. P. Freely, yelled, "SILENCE!" He had to yell it a couple more times to make himself heard. When I. P. finally accomplished that he shouted: "The fight will begin in five… four… three… two… ONE!" The crowd shouted right along with him.

They all started cheering as Gollum was pushed into the ring. (Nobody would dare push Sheelob in, so she walked.) The two opponents stood eyeing each other, sizing one another up. At least that's what Sheelob was doing; Gollum was busy opening his up his penultimate can of Red Bull. He guzzled it down and threw the empty can on the ground. That really ticked the spider off. He DARED to litter in her home?! He would pay!

Sheelob lunged at Gollum but he was more agile than he looked and managed to dive out the way. The spectators "oooohhhhed" and "aaahhhhed" as the spider crashed into one of the craggy rock sides, righted herself, and almost impaled Gollum with her stinger. It was about a centimeter off. Now it was Gollum's turn to do some damage.

He rolled over and was able to grab his remaining can of Red Bull, which he was able to drink in about five seconds. So, armed with an empty tin can and some newfound hyper ness, Gollum charged Sheelob. Right before he hit her, he took a flying leap and landed on her face. He was just about to whack her with his Red Bull can when he heard someone gasp dramatically. And another someone and another someone.

Both he and Sheelob turned to see what all the fuss was about; couldn't everyone just e quiet while they tried to kill each other? What they saw was both amazing and weird- Gollum had sprouted wings!

He was so shocked he toppled off of his opponent. He stood up and looked at his white, angelic wings in awe. Then he tentatively tried flapping them; within seconds he was off the ground! "Whoo hoo!" he yelled. "I told you, Red Bull gives you wings!" Our demented friend was greatly enjoying himself when suddenly a knife fell from the sky, cutting Gollum's wings off and slicing Sheelob in half.

This caused two things- Gollum falling and landing on the Witch King's pointy crown (He showed up late.) and everyone getting up and yelling "YAY! YOU KILLED SHEELOB!" They then picked Gollum up, hoisted Gollum up on their shoulders, and marched away to Mordor to throw him a party. As he was being led away. Gollum wiped a away a tear. He may have lost his wings, but he was now a hero.

Dr. Robert Hayes was now very frightened and excited. Excited because his latest invention, a machine could change an object's shape and transport it anywhere, had worked. Frightened because he had meant to test it on more Red Bull, but had instead accidentally used a butchering knife. And he had no idea where it had gone. Robert would just have to do some more tests, but in the meantime what he really needed was more Red Bull. So he walked over to kitchen to get some never knowing that he had altered the course of his favorite book.


End file.
